Should we Check-in while Dating?
Scrub the internet about “check-ins” or the infamous “Marriage Checkup” and you’ll find tons of research about the effectiveness of check-ins in marriages, and not much else. Until now. And we’re here to disrupt that notion that check-ins are only meant for marriage. Why wait until you’re already married to start investing in practices that keep your relationship balanced and healthy!? That’s right — you shouldn’t.
So, when is a good time to introduce a relationship check-in into the relationship?
The answer to that varies. And, while we generally believe your intuition will call you towards checking-in at the right time, there is one special rule to follow: You and your partner are both committed to an exclusive relationship (or as each other’s primary partners, for our polyamorous readers out there!).
Here are some guides to follow if you’re thinking of starting a regular relationship check-in practice.
…you are exclusive, or each other’s primary partner…
…mutually see a future together, potentially for the long haul
…you or your partner have a history of moving too fast in relationships
…you two have already made serious commitments to each other, like living together, getting engaged, having a child, or making a life commitment
…you are considering any of the above
…you’ve emerged from the honeymoon phase of your relationship and are starting to experience friction and still see a future with your beau
…you’ve been committed and either or both of you have neglected the relationship, creating distance…
THEN…your relationship is ripe and ready for a regular relationship check-in practice.
Every couple has the ability to build a wonderful culture within their relationship. They just need the right tools and a good solid habit of checking in.
So…are you ready to get started?
Grab your deck and get our tips on How to Introduce a Check-in Into your Relationship.
IMPORTANT NOTE: While relationship check-ins have significant research proving their effectiveness in improving and maintaining strength in partnership, there is one circumstance when additional support is highly recommended. For those in relationships that are unsafe or have experienced significant trauma, such as infidelity, violence or other abuse, etc, we urge you to get support or contact an anonymous support line like https://www.crisistextline.org/ (text HOME to 741741 from the U.S.).
This post is from the Happy Partners Project — a mission-driven method for building and sustaining healthy and blissful relationships. Its first product is a relationship check-in deck. Our belief is that happier partners build happier homes and ultimately have healthier communication, greater life satisfaction and increased emotional intelligence. For those couples who have children, we also believe that modeling healthy relationships will have legacy effects on the next generation of emotionally intelligent, well-adjusted humans.