How to move on after a relationship ends.
Dear Dumped and Stumped,
Short answer, My Dear, is yes. If you have been dumped, and your former partner has decided this relationship is no longer for them, then yes, it is in your best interest to start your grieving process and to start self-reflection.
Here are some questions to get you going:
1. What drew you to the relationship?
2. What did you excel in?
3. What did you struggle with?
4. What did you love about that partner?
5. What didn’t you love about that partner?
6. If you could re-do everything and have that partner come back into your life exactly as they were, would you?
7. If not, what would you revise about the type of person you’re calling in and the type of relationship you want to create?
Do some self-reflection on the qualities your former partner had that mirror your own self-worth, self-love, self-acceptance or match your childhood and relational wounds, up until now.
Tend to those, dear Dumped and Stumped. Tend to those wounds that are operating in your subconscious. I lead a workshop on these very clearings and you can sign up to my newsletter where we announce workshops if that’s of interest.
I know that this is a difficult process and being in the freshness of a breakup is not easy. There’s a level of individuation where you’re learning again what it’s like to be your own person outside of the relationship and you’re learning to get clear on the things that you like to do when you’re not having to collaborate with another person on a regular basis about plans for the weekend or the night. It’s also exciting to get to “Do you” again, without any limitations.
It’s really up to you to be on your own agenda, your own schedule and that individuation process can be challenging to get back into so I encourage you to move gently with yourself, Dumped and Stumped. Allow yourself the time to process the pain you’re feeling and grieve the relationship; to grieve the loss of this person’s presence in your day-to-day.Allow yourself to feel that, don’t bypass it.
A lot of times people are told “There are other fish in the sea. It’s no problem. There’s another person out there.” While that’s true and it’s also not helpful to hear that when The Break-Up is fresh.
What you wouldn’t want to happen is that you hold on to Hope and that prevents you from going out in the world being your amazing self and attracting in new relationships that can serve you in this new chapter that you’re embarking on.
With that said I know that there is a lot that you’re probably thinking about as you reflect on the relationship and maybe there’s some shaming that’s going on or potentially some exploration of all the things that you *could have* done, *would have* done, *should have* done.
This is a form of shaming yourself as you go through this process and what you can recognize is that it’s never about you. It’s always about the other person. What they want at any given moment can change, people change and grow.
This is why finding someone who’s wanting to be in a *conscious relationship* with you to move together, to grow together, is really important. And I think that’s where you get to focus your energy — finding that person.
That’s an exciting and fun journey and a very fulfilling place to end up. And, I wish that for you, Dumped and Stumped.
In love, we #growtogether