Looking for a Life Partner? Avoid this Big Mistake In Early Dating
Here’s The Best Way to Find Your Life Partner
As a teen, growing up in the 90’s and 2000's, the Cosmo Quizzes weren’t just something to look forward to in each new issue, they were my coach, my dating guru, the secret code to relationships and compatibility. Tallying up the scores to see if my at-the-time crush of the month and I had long-lasting, soul-level potential delivered a joyful rollercoaster of emotions. And while compatibility quizzes are illuminating, they miss the unique levels of “crazy” each person brings to the relationship and deep patterning that will inevitably be at play in every relationship.
But I was taught, as young girls still are today, to believe in fairy tale endings and Knights in Shining Armor who whisk women away to a castle and a rich life, “for as long as they both shall live.”
Yes, companionship is one of the most rewarding investments two people can make. And, unless our society adopts arranged marriages, dating is the best route to finding a life partner, or a “happily-ever-after” ending.
So, what is the biggest mistake life-partner-hopefuls make when dating and looking for long-term relationships?
The biggest mistake people make when looking for a long-term partner is neglecting to ask the hard questions EARLY in the dating process. And holding back the parts that we fear might lead to rejection.
This is perfectly illustrated in Netflix’s “Love is Blind” show, where individuals date without seeing each other then have to decide, within days, if they will propose marriage, get engaged and walk down the aisle two weeks later. Once two individuals couple up, they then see each other and discover whether emotional intimacy can translate into the physical world — to uncover if love truly is blind.
In the show, one of the participants, Carlton, is bi-sexual but conceals this information from his dates. He wants to be accepted for, but clearly hasn’t fully accepted, this side of himself (without shame) to be able to be upfront with his dates about this very important part of his story (he says it’s important, and so it is…). He’s scared of being rejected once his dates “find out” and so he hides the information. The result is that when he DOES reveal this information, his date feels betrayed, lied to, “snookered.” And so the outcome of his fear becomes real — he gets rejected.
He gets rejected, yes, but NOT because of his bisexuality; he’s rejected because of his lack of honesty, deception and the resulting shame around his truth. He doesn’t trust that someone can handle this truth and in the process becomes less trustworthy to his partner! Isn’t that the twist that bites the hardest!?
When investigating compatibility, SHARE the hard bits early. ASK the hard questions EARLY. Be clear about your dealmakers and dealbreakers. And, commit to radical transparency.
The best way to find your life partner is to be authentically you, and to be “authentically you” means to commit to being completely open and honest, to be radically transparent. The right person won’t be scared away.
As “Love Is Blind” participant Carlton says in The Reunion episode, “There’s no fear involved in love. You should be able to let go and just completely be yourself.”
Best of luck to you in your relationship journey!
In Love, we #growtogether,
P.S. For all my fellow “Calling in the One” fans — A wonderful way to use our relationship check-in cards are to answer as you would with a new partner and to vision his/her responses.